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| "Just try and lock me down, I'll climb right up!" |
I started writing a post I never finished about how pandemic life was making me tired. Like physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted from all the fear and restrictions and no end in sight. Even as an introverted homebody, I still miss going places. There's so much I want to be able to do from attend family gatherings to chat with friends to take my son to a playground or enroll him in a gymnastics class so he can have fun things to do and socialize with other babies. And I want to do it all without the intense anxiety that I can't help feeling--a very real worry that I could be putting my child or my family in danger.
So, I never finished that post, simply titled "Tired," because it sounded a little depressing and didn't accurately reflect how okay I was actually feeling lately. My Covid-effected family member, home from the hospital after months, was doing really well, and we were visiting regularly. My own family remained healthy so far thanks to their intense caution. And I was even getting out of the house a little to safely go to work two days a week and treat myself to drive-thru Starbucks on my lunch break. We spent a fun Halloween at home dressing Baby up in multiple costumes without the trick-or-treating part, and even ventured to a new restaurant porch for breakfast out of the house one weekend (the first restaurant I'd been to in weeks). I felt like, mentally, I could handle all this for now.
And then suddenly we had more relatives end up in the hospital with the virus. An entire family sick. Our state was getting worse. In fact, with cases and hospitalizations rising so drastically, our governor issued a voluntary "stay at home 2.0" order this week, urging citizens to remain at home whenever possible. And he stressed that if things didn't change in two weeks from voluntary measures, he might be forced to do something more drastic.
In response to the governor, my work has gone 100% remote again as of Friday, November 13. No two days in person anymore. No Starbucks on my lunch break but also no having to leave my son. Despite my growing cabin fever, I'm actually grateful for this stay-at-home order because it will keep us all safer. In theory. First people have to volunteer to stay home. And based on what I've seen online, not everyone is volunteering. We could be heading toward those drastic measures regardless--most likely another lockdown like we experienced in March.
Online news articles and Facebook moms groups warn me that people are already panic-buying again. Toilet paper and bottled water have become harder to find. While I'm usually a hopeful, optimistic person, I'm almost expecting the lockdown that everyone seems to be preparing for. And while I know that will keep us safer and curb the virus spread (as we saw happen last time), I still worry about the long-term impact on our economy. I worry how long my husband will keep being paid.
In the meantime, all I can do is find ways to pass the time outside the work-from-home workday. This week alone I've done video calls to family and book clubs. We've taken my son for walks around the neighborhood in his stroller to watch the cars drive by (but even that might change if a lockdown keeps more people off the road). I've tried to do more writing. I've definitely done more online shopping for myself and Christmas presents for others as I worry about what the holidays will bring. Families will want to gather even though this is the one year we really shouldn't.
The one bit of good news on the horizon, however, is that there is at last an end in sight. It will be months from now, but it's the first glimmer of hope we've had to look forward to in a long time. There's a vaccine that's proving 90% effective in preventing the virus. It's approval is going to be rushed because of the emergency situation we find ourselves in, which means months instead of years before it reaches the public. That's both good and bad as I worry about long-term side effects that haven't even been found yet too. But if it can end this terrifying, frustrating, heartbreaking chapter in our history, hopefully the vaccine's good ultimately outweighs the bad.
It will take time to make, deliver, and distribute the vaccine to our entire population. It will require a second dose a month later, and then herd immunity will have to grow. So we might not be able to obtain anything until closer to April. If we're lucky, maybe life will be a little more normal by the end of 2021. That's assuming everything stays on track and works out. My optimism dares to peek through again, telling me it has to work out. Reminding me that we've lasted this long.
I don't look forward to another lockdown as quarantine fatigue hits us all, but at least I know what to expect. I know the lives it will save and how it can set us on the right path so that everyone can survive a few more months too. My favorite quote of 2020 (aside from some amusing Nevada election memes) is a poignant one: "we isolate now so that when we gather again, no one is missing." That holds true just as much now as it did at the start of this situation. There's no quick and easy fix for a global pandemic, but we can do our part--overcome the tired feelings and push forward and carry on.
