Changes

I started yesterday's blog post a few days ago and never got the time to finish it until the evening of July 31. But by this week, things have actually already started changing. Don't worry--it's all good!

The first big change is that our loved one was transferred to a rehabilitation facility! That means she's actually recovered from illness but just has to work on re-learning how to walk, speak, feed herself, and similar daily tasks most people take for granted. It will be a long process to get back to who she was before the virus, but she is on a very positive path. Even better, she got to see many of her loved ones in person as they transferred her from her care facility to her rehab facility--they waited outside with masks and cheers as she was wheeled out hospital doors and started her new journey. We are all so thrilled!

The second big change is that I got a new boss at work--after finding out weeks ago that my current boss was moving up in position, our whole staff waited to see who would take her place as supervisor. Now we know, and we're thrilled for this too! It's not easy supervising a large staff remotely during a pandemic, so I absolutely admire her for taking on this role. I know she'll do well and I look forward to seeing what comes out of her leadership.

The third big change as we reach the end of July is that I received an updated return-to-work letter. Instead of going back to my job this month, I'm scheduled to return mid-August (as I was kind of suspecting, though it was never confirmed). We have been told these dates could change at a moment's notice, depending on what happens in our state with the virus. But among all the fear is that small hope that comes with something new, or rather, returning to something familiar. I'm not looking forward to going back to in-person places and risking my family's health. However, it's nice to have some sort of schedule and date in place to prepare for the future. I likely will still get to telecommute most of the week, with only two days of in-person working. Supposedly. We'll see what happens in the coming month, but I'm hopeful that everything will come together. My son is old enough where he can be without me for a few hours if needed--it will be hard since he's growing wonderfully attached to me, but it is doable as I've seen how social he can be with others once he's distracted away from Mommy. I'm definitely going to miss him during the day though. We haven't been apart since March! And I miss him even when I'm working from home and he's in the next room--until he climbs into my lap to take me away from my computer and I can snuggle him once more. He's already figured out how to reach and grab and do so much. Boy he's grown during this quarantine, work-from-home time!

Next month brings the change of another year older for me as well. My first birthday during the pandemic. Not that I was expecting this birthday to be a big celebration before the virus (34 isn't exactly a milestone, I'm not much of a party person, and I do have a baby to take care of). Still, I'm planning a small family day at home to keep my mind off reality and enjoy my special day with the special people I am able to be with. I even bought myself an early birthday present online: a mini espresso maker so I can make my own lattes at home every day before work! A new and easy way to get that coffee fix you know I need.

We'll see what the future brings, but I do know what I'm wishing for when I blow out any birthday candles--an end to coronavirus, and a bright future for my son!

No News Is Good News?

Not much has changed in the past couple of weeks for our remote lives, other than finding out more people who have caught the virus as we desperately try to keep our loved ones and ourselves protected.

I still have no exact date for returning to work.

Our loved one who's been in the hospital since May is still (thankfully) improving little by little.

Our coronavirus lives still consist of a fairly basic routine: On Mondays my husband watches Baby during my meetings then goes to work an evening shift. My mom stops by in late afternoon to visit and help me end the day. On Tuesdays through Thursdays I go to my parents' house to work from home while they babysit. Baby still takes a couple of nursing breaks during the day (usually one for a nap mid-morning and one for a snack mid-afternoon). Fridays are my short days, so sometimes I'll go over to spend time with my parents or sometimes I'll hold down the fort at home. Weekends are spent with Baby, going nowhere, catching up on TV shows while he naps, and treating ourselves to delivered pizza or drive-thru ice cream.

Our public school district has decided to do distance learning for all, but everything still feels tentative, ready to change at a moment's notice. This is the way news is at my job as well.

We wait. It's very much been a "stasis" kind of month.

But change is coming. Even without news we know that nothing can stay the same forever. And with the start of the fall semester on its way, I know there will be updates soon.

Summer Adjustments

It's mid-summer and the temperature sure is rising. Not that I notice it all that often indoors. Siri on my phone continues to occasionally ask me if I want to check today's weather outside. I don't. Even if I was driving to a workplace every day, which I'm not, I don't need a reminder that it's "a hundred and stupid" outside as my husband likes to say.

Back in March, many hoped that the arrival of warm weather would mean a decrease in coronavirus cases. It hasn't. With many Americans trying to return to business as usual in the middle of a pandemic that hasn't gone away, much of the progress we've made in flattening the curve seems to have gone out the window. Numbers are rising. Hospitals are getting full again. And the few small measures we have to combat the surge--like wearing masks--has become political. But when you know someone with the virus, when you and your family are deeply affected by it, a simple act of wearing a mask or staying home as much as possible is nothing if it means you might spare someone from having to go through what you or your loved one has experienced or is experiencing.

The good news is that our loved one in the hospital is making very slow but positive progress--trending in the right direction. What that means is that after over 60 days in a hospital and then long-term care facility she is only just now starting to move, only just now starting to be able to practice breathing on her own with a CPAP machine for short bursts, and we still await her complete weaning off the ventilator and her waking up enough to track with her eyes and see her loved ones. Then the rehab will truly begin. So we're hopeful. And watching my son's face light up when he saw her on video chat, looking so much better and so familiar again, was priceless. But 60+ days in a hospital bed fighting this disease, 60+ days trying to heal your body, 60+ days of your loved ones' pounding hearts as they anxiously read each daily text update hoping the news is positive--that's nothing to be taken lightly. So if you think my support of masks is political, it's not. My personal political opinions are strong on a lot of issues, but this is not about opinions. We face a public health crisis. As a librarian, I've read the research. And as a family member I've seen the effects of this disease. So if wearing a mask in public can help in even the smallest ways, I will absolutely continue to do it.

However, right now I prefer to mostly stay home or at my nearby parents' house as much as possible instead. The opening date for my work was pushed back from July 1 to probably mid-August. Our administration was concerned with the rising cases in our state, and our building had yet to install all safety measures. So my remote life continues for at least another month until we learn more. While no one has all the answers and life could change in an instant during these times, that doesn't make it any less frustrating when we can't predict and prepare for what our work schedules will be like in just a few short weeks.

As my organization adjusts their dates, I've been making adjustments too, getting even more used to remote life than ever before. A work day means using my laptop from literally any location (desk, couch, parents' couch, parents' chair, top of kitchen bar, brothers' old bedroom bed) and often showing my son walking in the background of Zoom meetings to break the ice. I'm even beginning to forget what office life was like. One of my online account's recovery phone numbers looked unfamiliar to me until I remembered I was looking at the last four digits of my office phone number. I'm forgetting what my routine used to be when I came to my desk in the morning and what it felt like to log onto that office desktop computer. It's definitely been weird just thinking about going back to work and thinking about what the rest of summer will look like.

On the plus side, though I've used up my work-from-home vacation days in June, the weekend is always an opportunity to have some fun with my son, either at home or at my parents' house. We've introduced Baby to my dad's pool, and though he was nervous at first to let go of Mommy, he soon practiced swimming in his Papa's arms, kicking and splashing with joy. He's always been a perfect mix of both cautious kid and risk-taking rebel, which hopefully bodes well for his confidence and success as he grows older. It's also really sweet seeing him show off his new swim trunks that my great aunt mailed him (his great great aunt). She continues to send care packages with summer outfits just big enough for him to grow into, which is a big help. Since both my grandmothers have passed away, my great aunt has fully taken on this role in supporting my son as if he were her own great-grandchild, and that means the world to me.

My husband and I also got in a couple of summer movie nights without the theater, watching at my parents' house while they babysat upstairs. Just today our whole experience of swimming, movie, and even a pizza delivery felt so deliciously normal; it was a nice escape from the reality of the world right now. Of course I come home to more pandemic news on social media. Of course I come home to the reality that we can't visit all our loved ones in person. But before bed today Baby got to see family he hadn't seen in months, at a social distanced visit outside our garage, and that filled my heart with joy too. We had a wonderful Saturday that was the epitome of summer and family and love. So I'm going to flip through the photos over and over again and hold onto that feeling of being safe and relaxed and happy for as long as I can.

I hope so much that it continues, that reality adjusts and shifts in a positive direction, and that there are more good memories to come.